Let's talk about marriage. Again. I've posted some of my thoughts about this topic for the past few years (click here) and I wanna update my recent thoughts about it.

As I wrote before, I am a big believer of love, but carry a big question mark about marriage. Not that I don't want a marriage. Every girl dreams about her big day, including me. I had some vision about the party, but never been vivid about the spouse I'm gonna marry. I am still open for that.

But as life happens around me and having most of my family failed their marriage in the past two years, I decided to take a closer look about it before I dig myself into it. Nobody wants to be divorced, but as sad as it is, divorcement is something so common to happen these days, not to mention those from Catholic, the religion that strongly opposed divorcement.

I happen to meet some people that brought enlightenment in me, thank God, that explained to me how the nature/world/life/God works. People are made to love and be loved. Marriage foundation is provided to strengthen it. As world is evolving, religions became the base of this marriage thing; that a spouse should be married under the 'confirmation' of a religion they choose.

But before and above the religion, there is God who created us all and made us meet our so called 'soul mate'. We don't meet just randomly with each person throughout our lives. We have tasks and purposes to be done, and with each encounter we enrich the other person and be enriched in return.

A marriage should be a relationship between two loving people. If a marriage is no longer filled with love, what is the purpose of keeping it just to be seen by people or as a proof that actually nobody really care about? In life I've seen so many cases of marriages and I saw there is no such a perfect marriage. Behind the perfect smiling couples there are dirty little secrets they hold.

I had always seen divorcement as such a distant case I could ever imagine to happen in my life. Nobody in my family was divorced.. until the death of my father. Then one by one of my aunts got to experience it. And my perspective of this whole marriage, divorcement and life completely changed. People say, human cannot tolerate things until they experience it themselves. I think it's true.

Now that this case is being a part of my family's problems, I don't see divorcement as something so awful anymore. Let's talk about this one by one.

1. Kids
Children is the main reason of a marriage to be kept. People say children is the one who suffer in divorcement. Well, I don't wholly agree on this but also don't oppose this. As I see the case of one of my cousins, she thinks and lives a much better life after their parents got divorced. She is only 16.5 years old when it happened but she admits that she prefers to have their parents being just friends like they are now than as a spouse. She knows that their happiness is more important than the 'wholeness' of a family. As long as she has good relationships with both of their parents, she is going to be just fine. More than that, she is learning about life sooner and going to live hers better. Every kids have their own life path, so don't worry about them. For me it's such a bullshit to make the kids as a shield.

2. Status
Okay. This may be important for some people, but-hello-are you a president or something? Most people don't care about status anymore nowadays. Look at Prince Charles who fought for his love and gave up his throne. People understand and respect his choice. It doesn't matter what people will say actually, because this is your life and your heart and your future we're talking about. So it's really up to you, not to the public's statement.

3. Responsibility
You voiced your vow before the witnesses and God, therefore you have responsibility to keep it. I think this is a very logical and a right thing to do. Take example of my own mom. She vowed to remain loyal to the family but she sacrifices her own feeling for it and be miserable at heart, up until today. Such a noble thing to do, especially for the sake of the children's hearts.
   But how about love? How about feeling? How about filling the empty gap inside your heart that needs to be caressed? I don't wanna be like her. I want happiness in my life, no matter how I have to fight against any rules in this world.
   Based on my own experience--when I was at the side who got betrayed and abandoned, I found myself prefer to have someone who truly loves me than to have one who is just keeping his promise and responsibility upon me. With my ex letting me go, although it was so hard for me to accept the fact at first, somehow he freed me to find someone who can love me better and someone I truly deserve.
   I truly understand that promises are made based on emotions, but as the law of nature says: nothing lasts forever in this world. Promises expired the day the love is gone. I can see that vow and promises means nothing but to keep a commitment. Well for me, commitment is bullshit. Love is all that matters. I see how easier and happier a relationship can be done without such commitment as a burden, because when a heart truly loves, a heart commits itself to the one it loves willingly. Confirmation is needed only for the ones who are uncertain and hesitating to keep them in the same relationship.
   Then again, isn't it make you such a hypocrite person to pretend to have a perfect marriage while you are having affair(s) out there? I despise this kind of people and I pray not to become one.

4. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
This is the verse I quote from Bible, Matt 19:6. Apparently I cannot fight this verse, because it is written obviously the restriction of divorcement. But then again, this is a life manual (for some religions) while we have the freewill to make some improvement in certain cases. In this modern life, we need some renewals in every aspect to keep up with the world, as also I see in Catholic by the new Pope Francis. 
   I am not going to discuss religion thingy here, but what I'm saying is, life/nature/God has a unique way to teach us things in our lives, that most of the time surprising for us because it's usually far from the life we'd imagined or planned before. I have a simple clue for you: Marriage should be a gift, not a curse. Love should be liberating, not burdening. You would know if your spouse is the one from God or not by this hint.



Stupidly, people got married based on the dream of a happily-ever-after image or because of the age limit or because of other obligation reason. I strongly say it's a stupid thing to do. Why do people need to be married anyway? Parents (especially the woman side) told their kids to quickly get married before 25, before 30, before their age expired. If I had kids, I would tell them NOT to get married too soon, UNLESS they find someone who completes them, who compliments them, who loves them unconditionally.

I don't say it's going to be easy. But look at our neighbors in USA or Europe. They are the liberated people who fight for their love, not for the sake of a status. As John Lennon said in his song: all you need is love. And love is God. All you need is to follow your heart because it's how God leads you to live this life. I think Lennon was right after all.

I am not a hater or an apathetic person. I hope I will never be. I can say this all because I've been there. I had been in a very unhappy relationship because my boyfriend stopped loving me but we remained a couple for the next 8 months. Those were the most unhappy months I've endured, although I loved him so much. He simply didn't love me anymore and his heart was somewhere else. This was truly a torture for both of us and I knew it was much better for us to go our separate ways. It was the best decision I've ever made.

I really am not advising anyone to be divorced. But if there is no love in the marriage and there ain't no other way to fix it (I assume you've tried every possible way), why torture yourself in such a relationship? I hope I make a point here and I wish you all to have the greatest love in your life and not letting it slip away. May God bless us all!